My very worst date.

Welcome to my lair. Of love.

This bad date wasn't really a date. It was more like a letter of imminent doom.

The thought of even replying to this crazy would inevitably result in me scattered throughout the Ohio River. Please read this email I received from a "potential match" (probably over 2 years ago now) from an online dating service I joined (swear to God, to help out a web-designer friend who was starting it).

Needless to say, I reported him, after showing this email to every single person I knew, and he was forthwith deleted from the site.

Melissa
Subject: hi
Message: I enjoy the casual study of ancient civilizations and cultures. I have a fascination with subterranean spaces (basements, bomb shelters, dungeons), trains, airplanes, archeology, forensics, residential Victorian and Gothic architecture, castles and fortresses, the paranormal, abandon buildings, concrete, medieval history, firearms (I carry a Kel-Tec PF9 9mm), monk robes & Victorian era capes, secret passages, the late 19th century, and weapons of all sorts. I have a borderline obsession with security devices such as encryption (Truecrypt and 256bit AES encryption especially), door locks, alarm systems, security glass, fences, and razor wire. I hope we can talk soon. You are very pretty.

Razor wire?! Dungeons?!
MURDERER!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahhhaha

P.S. Please keep in mind that my profile picture was this:

And my list of interests were: whittling small trinkets from wood, studying the equator, zombie dancing, loving my own hands, and hyperbolic colloquialisms.

Like, what?!
I guess my mock profile, that was designed in attempt to thwart any advances, did the exact opposite.