Oh, he's so handsome... just like his reward posters.

I saw Ridley Scott's prequel to "Robin Hood" this weekend with my fam. Underwhelmed seemed the best adjective to describe our generally unanimous opinion of the movie. It was an hour and a half of battles, burnings, and annoying I am Maximus and, "What we do in life echoes in eternity!" speeches.

Honestly? I preferred the cartoon version with singing and dancing foxes, squirrels, and Friar Tuck portrayed as a, what is he? A badger? A mole? Reagrdless, he is damn adorable.

I mean, look at him.

The cartoon movie was rented, almost weekly, by Micah and I as children when we lived out in the country (In a log cabin, mind you.) and had virtually no access to electronic entertainment. This was a good thing. Playing in fields and digging in the dirt trumps movie watching. But every Friday night Mom would let us walk to the country store, (This place seriously was a "country store". Everything you'd image-- hardwood floors, glass jars of candy, and a homemade sandwiches.) and pick a movie to watch. To rent one was like $1.50, I think. We always chose Robin Hood. It just never got old. And with song lyrics like, "Oo-de-lally, Oo-de-lally. Golly, what a day!", how could any child resist? We sure as heck couldn't.

Also working in Ridley's favor but he ruined everything: the fact that I love action movies. Always have. Face/Off was my favorite movie until I was in my teens, and/or realized Nic Cage is a "I only eat animals that have standardized sex" weirdo with atrocious (I cannot state this enough) hair and no acting talents. I can usually ignore the ridiculous plot holes and terrible one-liners in action movies. Here's the ultimate example: I want to see Prince of Persia. Like, really bad. I know it will be cheesy and I'll walk out complaining how my beloved Ben Kinglsey could stoop to such a level of film-making, but secretly I'll love it. Being raised with a dad and two brothers who infiltrated me with Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Arnold, and Jurrasic Park made this affinity for explosions inevitable.

This all goes to say that I do not hold action movies to a very high level of film-expectancy. But Robin Hood was supposed to be historical action, or so I thought. It ended up being just plain boring and not nearly as awesome as it's cartoon predecessor. Independently, I am enthralled by the story of Loxley and all the history and revolution surrounding it. I hoped the movie would fulfill all my secret fantasies for a really good, well acted, educational tale of the notorious thief-savior. Ridley did not give me what I wanted. It was anti-climactic and poorly acted by all but my lover, Cate Blanchett. Who could literally stand in a room holding some batteries and I'd pay to watch it.

Behold her glory.

So take my advice, don't waste your money, and go sing a song with flute accompaniment in some wooded glen instead of seeing this movie.

Oodelally!