Monday, June 24, 2013

Oh my gosh, this is happening.

"She was the book thief without the words.
Trust me, though, the words were on their way, and when they arrived, she would hold them in her hands like the clouds, and she would wring them out like rain."


"Don't make me happy. Please, don't fill me up and let me think that something good can come of any of this. Look at my bruises. Look at this graze. Do you see the graze inside me? Do you see it growing before your very eyes, eroding me? I don't want to hope for anything anymore. I don't want to pray that Max is alive and safe. Or Alex Steiner.
Because the world does not deserve them."

I got that summertime, summertime sadness.


“Happiness is worth a daring deed; we are both free if we but will it, and then the game is won.”



“Ghosts! […] I almost think we are all of us ghosts. It is not only what we have inherited from our father and mother that ‘walks’ in us. It is all sorts of dead ideas, and lifeless old beliefs, and so forth. They have no vitality, but they cling to us all the same, and we cannot shake them off. Whenever I take up a newspaper, I seem to see ghosts gliding between the lines. There must be ghosts all the country over, as thick as the sands of the sea. And then we are, one and all, so pitifully afraid of the light.” 
― Henrik Ibsen

Ibsen


“The strongest men are the most alone.” 

"My words are dull; O, quicken them with thine!"


QUEEN ELIZABETH. O thou well skill'd in curses, stay awhile
And teach me how to curse mine enemies!
QUEEN MARGARET. Forbear to sleep the nights, and fast the days;
Compare dead happiness with living woe;
Think that thy babes were sweeter than they were,
And he that slew them fouler than he is.
Bett'ring thy loss makes the bad-causer worse;
Revolving this will teach thee how to curse.
QUEEN ELIZABETH. My words are dull; O, quicken them with thine!
QUEEN MARGARET. Thy woes will make them sharp and pierce like mine. 
DUCHESS. Why should calamity be fun of words?
QUEEN ELIZABETH. Windy attorneys to their client woes,
Airy succeeders of intestate joys,
Poor breathing orators of miseries,
Let them have scope; though what they will impart
Help nothing else, yet do they case the heart.
DUCHESS. If so, then be not tongue-tied. Go with me,
And in the breath of bitter words let's smother
My damned son that thy two sweet sons smother'd.
The trumpet sounds; be copious in exclaims.


Richard III

Just started a Shakespeare course for the summer. Here we go again, Richard.

“What do I fear? Myself? There’s none else by.
Richard loves Richard; that is, I and I.
Is there a murderer here? No. Yes, I am.
Then fly! What, from myself? Great reason why:
Lest I revenge. What, myself upon myself?
Alack, I love myself. Wherefore? For any good
That I myself have done unto myself?
O, no! Alas, I rather hate myself
For hateful deeds committed by myself.
I am a villain. Yet I lie. I am not.
Fool, of thyself speak well. Fool, do not flatter:
My conscience hath a thousand several tongues,
And every tongue brings in a several tale,
And every tale condemns me for a villain.
Perjury, perjury, in the highest degree;
Murder, stern murder, in the direst degree;
All several sins, all used in each degree,
Throng to the bar, crying all, “Guilty! guilty!”
I shall despair. There is no creature loves me,
And if I die no soul will pity me.
And wherefore should they, since that I myself
Find in myself no pity to myself?” 



“And thus I clothe my naked villainy
With odd old ends stol'n out of holy writ;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil.” 

Alter Ego




Sir James Edward Horserider

McKellen



"Now you know why your nerdy friends were really depressed thirteen years ago."

Magdalena


"Overcome by your
Moving temple
Overcome by this
Holiest of altars

So pure
So rare
To witness such an earthly goddess
That I've lost my self control
Beyond compelled to throw this dollar down before your
Holiest of altars

I'd sell
My soul
My self-esteem a dollar at a time

One chance
One kiss
One taste of you my Magdalena

I bear witness
To this place, this prayer, so long forgotten
So pure
So rare


That I'd sell
My soul
My self-esteem a dollar at a time
For one chance
One kiss
One taste of you my black Madonna

One taste
One taste of you my Magdalena."

Friday, June 21, 2013

Holds us by our hair



A novel is not, after all, a historical document, but a way to travel through the human heart.


“What Lily craved was the darkness made by enfolding arms, the silence which is not solitude, but compassion holding its breath.” 
-Edith Wharton


“Set wide the window. Let me drink the day.”


-Wharton

Me, everywhere at once


"I can smell you on my skin, 
you’re in my mouth, 
my body aches of you; 
you come, knowing me 
everywhere at once, 
bleeding through the pages 
of each of my lives, 
making me meet myself, making me 
understand who I am, 
loving each of me,
each of me the same."

Hunger




Salvador DalĂ­ with young Yves Saint Laurent


Gob


“Are you sure? Cause I took one of those 'Which Gossip Girl are you?' quizzes, and it said I was the dad’s guitar."


“One is not born into the world to do everything but to do something.”


 -Thoreau

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Mark your calendars now.


"He has grown from man to dragon; he has wings."

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Monday, June 17, 2013

I've posted this before

but good God, Lemon, it never gets old.



All of it is perfection, but that 8:46 mark makes me swoon eternally.

Since my obsession started with him at age 14 when I saw "I Capture The Castle" with Bill Nighy

 I can't really say anything about "Man of Steel" other than Henry Cavill is stupid gorgeous.


Like, ohmygodreally?
#getyourcheekbonesincheck #donteverstop #pleasestopImdying

Yes, the movie lacked character development and execution, yet the amount of people I know who hated it set a pretty low bar and I had zero expectations.  I was entertained and mildly dissatisfied-- which is more than I expected. Sups wins, in my book.


“Words without experience are meaningless.”


"...the seraphs, the misinformed, simple, noble-winged seraphs, envied. Look at this tangle of thorns."
-Nabokov


Pretty much the only reason to watch season 4 of Arrested Development

I first saw this movie when I was a teenager

with my incredibly badass grandmother who repeatedly said, "Well, that lipstick sure is something" while we watched it.  

An all around incredible film, it's this scene in particular that never loses power:

Olivier smiling/shattering hearts


Friday, June 14, 2013

Everybody dance now


Torn that love out of his heart


“He looked at her as a man looks at a faded flower he has gathered, with difficulty recognizing in it the beauty for which he picked and ruined it. And in spite of this he felt that then, when his love was stronger, he could, if he had greatly wished it, have torn that love out of his heart; but now when as at that moment it seemed to him he felt no love for her, he knew that what bound him to her could not be broken.” -Tolstoy

Everything


Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final."

-Rainer Maria Rilke

Tolstoy


“Yes, love, ...but not the love that loves for something, to gain something, or because of something, but that love that I felt for the first time, when dying, I saw my enemy and yet loved him. I knew that feeling of love which is the essence of the soul, for which no object is needed. And I know that blissful feeling now too. To love one's neighbours; to love one's enemies. To love everything - to Love God in all His manifestations. Some one dear to one can be loved with human love; but an enemy can only be loved with divine love. And that was why I felt such joy when I felt that I loved that man. What happened to him? Is he alive? ...Loving with human love, one may pass from love to hatred; but divine love cannot change. Nothing, not even death, can shatter it. It is the very nature of the soul. And how many people I have hated in my life. And of all people none I have loved and hated more than her.... If it were only possible for me to see her once more... once, looking into those eyes to say...” 

“Nothing is more desirable than to be released from an affliction, but nothing is more frightening than to be divested of a crutch.”


-Baldwin

“You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read.”


“Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.” -Baldwin

Obama speaks out against LGBT discrimination

President Obama took aim at LGBT employment discrimination at the LGBT Pride Month reception at the White House Thursday, calling for Congress to pass bipartisan legislation making it’s way through Congress.
But one thing he did not mention was the executive order he has been asked to sign to end anti-LGBT job bias among federal contractors — despite it being the reason his wife was heckled recently and a huge priority for the LGBT community.
Obama spoke about the need to end workplace discrimination against LGBT people:
And I agree with Susan, a PFLAG mom from Ohio — we’ve got to end LGBT discrimination in the places where we work. Susan wrote me and said, “If I have a concern it is that there are so many LGBT men and women who contribute to the wealth and growth of our nation … but they still are not protected from harassment in the workplace.”
And I share that concern. In 34 states, you can be fired just because of who you are or who you love. That’s wrong. We’ve got to change it. There’s a bipartisan bill moving forward in the Senate that would ban discrimination against all LGBT Americans in the workplace, now and forever. We need to get that passed. (Applause.) I want to sign that bill. We need to get it done now. (Applause.)
And I think we can make that happen — because after the last four and a half years, you can’t tell me things can’t happen.
He did not raise the issue behind the heckling that his wife, First Lady Michelle Obama, faced last week: a proposed executive order that would bar federal contractors from discriminating against employees based on sexual orientation or gender identity. In a 2008 questionnaire, then-candidate Obama said he would support an LGBT nondiscrimination policy for federal contractors.
Instead, he focused Thursday on the “bipartisan bill moving forward in the Senate,” the Employment Non-Discrimination Act. Although he later added, “[Y]ou can’t tell me things can’t happen,” he did not explain whether and how he thought the bill could move through the Republican-led House.
Members of Congress and advocacy groups have ramped up the pressure on the president to take immediate action by signing the executive order, but the White House has rebuffed attempts to engage in a debate on the issue, saying Obama’s preferred path is the legislative one.
Obama was introduced by Zea and Luna, nine-year-old twin sisters who wrote to Obama about the need for marriage equality.
Image by Yuri Gripas / Reuters
The President was introduced by Zea and Luna, third graders from California who, according to information provided by the White House, wrote letters to the President about the need for gun safety, funding for education, and marriage equality for their “two great moms.”

Then, Obama spoke about his administration’s accomplishments and what lies ahead.

Then, Obama spoke about his administration's accomplishments and what lies ahead.
Image by Yuri Gripas / Reuters
“Hearts and minds change with time. Laws do, too. Change like that isn’t something that starts here in Washington, but it’s something that has the power that Washington has a great deal of difficulty resisting over time. It’s something that comes from the courage of those who stood up, and sat in, and came out. It’s something that comes from the compassion of family and friends and coworkers and teammates who show their love and support. … And it’s something that can be traced back to our Declaration of Independence — the fundamental principle that all of us are created equal. And as I said in my Inaugural Address, if we truly are created equal, then surely the love we commit to one another must be equal as well,” Obama told the crowd.

Finally, he waved to everyone like this.

Finally, he waved to everyone like this.
Image by Yuri Gripas / Reuters

Read Obama’s Full Remarks:


REMARKS BY THE PRESIDENT
AT A RECEPTION FOR LGBT PRIDE MONTH

East Room


5:21 P.M. EDT


THE PRESIDENT: All right, I will not beat that act. (Laughter.) We could not be prouder of Zea and Luna for the introduction. And welcome, all of you, to the White House for Pride Month. (Applause.)

Zea and Luna are here with their moms, and also I think with Grandma and Grandpa — correct? And so feel free to congratulate them afterwards for their outstanding introduction. 

There are a few other folks who don’t have the same star wattage that I want to acknowledge — first of all, my Vice President, Joe Biden. (Applause.) We’ve got some outstanding members of Congress here, including a record number from the Congressional Equality Caucus. (Applause.) Eric Fanning, the Under Secretary of the Air Force, is here. (Applause.) Major General Patricia Rose and her wife, Retired Lieutenant Julie Roth, are here. (Applause.) We’ve got Fred Hochberg and Elaine Kaplan, two outstanding members of my team, who are here. (Applause.) And John Berry is here — John is a former member of my team. You may not recognize him because he looks so well rested now that he’s left the administration. (Laughter.) 

And even though she couldn’t be here today, because she’s getting ready to finally take her seat on the bench and get to work, I want to congratulate Nitza Quinones Alejandro, who, just a few hours ago, was confirmed by the Senate, making her the first openly gay Hispanic federal judge in our country’s history. (Applause.) 

And what I’m especially excited about, in addition to Zea and Luna, we’ve got citizens from all across the country who wrote me letters over the last several years. And in a letter from Kathleen, a young woman from Massachusetts, I saw someone who had experienced too much discrimination and hatred at such a young age, at the age of 24. But I also read about someone who dreams of becoming a doctor so that she can help others, and who is determined to make a difference because, as she put it, she is “hopeful of a world filled with love.”

Love is what I saw in Valerie and Diane’s letter from North Dakota, who’ve been together for 37 years. Their son, Madison, is here, 14. They told me that when Madison was little — he’s not little now, by the way. (Laughter.) He used to say that someday, he was going to become president and make it legal for his moms to get married. And now, they added, “I don’t think we’re going to have to wait that long.” (Applause.)

Madison, I agree with you that it’s time. I agree that you should run for president. (Laughter.) And I agree that we’re not going to have to wait that long — because from Minnesota to Maryland, from the United States Senate to the NBA, it’s clear we’re reaching a turning point. (Applause.) We’ve become not just more accepting; we’ve become more loving, as a country, and as a people. Hearts and minds change with time. Laws do, too. Change like that isn’t something that starts here in Washington, but it’s something that has the power that Washington has a great deal of difficulty resisting over time. 

It’s something that comes from the courage of those who stood up, and sat in, and came out. It’s something that comes from the compassion of family and friends and coworkers and teammates who show their love and support. (Baby cries.) Yes, it’s true. (Laughter.) 

And it’s something that can be traced back to our Declaration of Independence — the fundamental principle that all of us are created equal. And as I said in my Inaugural Address, if we truly are created equal, then surely the love we commit to one another must be equal as well. (Applause.) 

That’s the principle that’s guided my administration over the past four and a half years. We passed a hate crimes bill in Matthew Shepard’s name. (Applause.) We lifted the HIV entry ban, released the first national HIV/AIDS strategy. We strengthened the Violence Against Women Act to protect LGBT victims. (Applause.) We told hospitals that accept Medicare and Medicaid that they have to treat LGBT patients just like everybody else. (Applause.) Starting next year, the Affordable Care Act will ban insurance companies from denying someone from coverage just for being LGBT. We put in place new policies that treat transgender Americans with dignity and respect. (Applause.) And because no one should have to hide who they love to serve the country that they love, we ended “don’t ask, don’t tell” once and for all. (Applause.) 

But part of the reason we’re here is because we know we’re not done yet. When Zea and Luna wrote me last December, they told me they would have voted for me if they could have — thanks, guys. (Laughter.) They also laid out quite an agenda. I hope Congress is listening to them. 

But I want them and all of you to know that I’m not giving up the fight to keep our kids safe from gun violence. (Applause.) I’m not giving up the fight for smarter and better schools. I’ll continue to support marriage equality and states’ attempts to legalize it, including in my home state of Illinois. We’re not giving up on that. (Applause.) 

And as we saw earlier this year with the gun safety debate, sometimes this stuff takes time, and it’s frustrating. You take two steps forward and sometimes there’s a step back. But I deeply believe in something that Martin Luther King, Jr. said often, and that is that the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice. Eventually, America gets it right.
That doesn’t mean we can be patient. We know from our own history that change happens because people push to make it happen. We’ve got to do the hard work of educating others, showing empathy to others, changing hearts and minds. And when we do that, then change occurs. It doesn’t come always as quickly as we like, but progress comes. 

We’ve got to keep pushing. We’ve got to make access to health care more available and affordable for folks living with HIV. We’ve got to implement the protections in the Affordable Care Act. We’ve got to keep making our classrooms and our neighborhoods safe for all of our young people. 

And I agree with Susan, a PFLAG mom from Ohio — we’ve got to end LGBT discrimination in the places where we work. Susan wrote me and said, “If I have a concern it is that there are so many LGBT men and women who contribute to the wealth and growth of our nation … but they still are not protected from harassment in the workplace.” 

And I share that concern. In 34 states, you can be fired just because of who you are or who you love. That’s wrong. We’ve got to change it. There’s a bipartisan bill moving forward in the Senate that would ban discrimination against all LGBT Americans in the workplace, now and forever. We need to get that passed. (Applause.) I want to sign that bill. We need to get it done now. (Applause.)

And I think we can make that happen — because after the last four and a half years, you can’t tell me things can’t happen. Look around. We’ve got gay and lesbian soldiers, and sailors, and airmen, and Marines who are here today. We’ve got married couples from places like New York and Washington State. (Applause.) You’ve got a couple of guys here on stage who I don’t think anybody in their high schools thought would be the President and the Vice President of the United States. (Laughter.) So don’t tell me that things can’t happen when we put our minds to them. (Laughter.) 

The genius of America is that America can change. And people who love this country can change it. That’s what we’re called to do. And I hope that when we gather here next year, and the year after that, we’ll be able to say, with pride and confidence, that together we’ve made our fellow citizens a little more free. We’ve made this country a little more equal. We’ve made our world a little more full of love.

Thank you very much, everybody. God bless you. God bless America. (Applause.) Enjoy the party. (Applause.)

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

"Having you here now I see, things are going to be brighter"



The happy version of this song is just as great as the original.

Monday, June 10, 2013

You'll never make me stay, so take your off of weight me.



Next to The Way You Make Me Feel, this song is a favorite of mine of MJ's.  I remember watching this video for the first time when I was around 13 or 14 years old while preparing to choreograph and thinking I wanted to be with someone who sang and moved like he did. I realize I was setting myself up for a lifetime disappointment.

The bar is high, folks. The bar is high.

This The Weeknd cover isn't too shabby either:



"I want to go too far."

"Hannibal" is having a cheekbone war. Finally.


Yes.


It could be life right now causing me to miss Brucey so hard, or just the usual, daily ache

Regardless, I feel like his story of neglect, to fostering, to inevitable adoption, needs re-posted for Pittie solidarity and ever due remembrance.  

I first met Bruce Wayne only a few days after he arrived at the shelter.   Initially attracted to him because of his name, I was excited to see the newest shelter addition.  As I approached the stall, I didn't meet the spirited and anxious to get the heck outside dog I was expecting.   Huddled in a corner, terrified and shivering, Bruce Wayne was curled as tight as possible in his blanket, head hung low.  Tears immediately sprung to my eyes-- I could feel the  unimaginable pain he had endured before I even knew his story.   Bending down, I cautiously and slowly extended my hand to him.  He shrank into himself at my slightest movement.  As I carefully got closer to him, we made eye contact and I was struck by the most gentle and direct stare I've ever received from a dog.  I softly touched the side of his face and started to stroke him under his chin (I was told this builds confidence in abused dogs).  I looked into his eyes once more and saw a dog utterly broken, yet so very tender.  With no reason whatsoever to be affectionate to any human, his eyes were kind and trusting, hopeful even.  As I continued to pet him and tell him how good and beautiful he was, he gingerly leaned into my hand.  I continued talking to him and gradually, after several minutes of soft tones and just sitting with him in the stall, he allowed me to put a collar around his neck and start the equally long process of getting him  outside to take a walk.



On the way out I was informed by another volunteer that Bruce Wayne had been a bait dog for his entire life.  Specifically selected for his docile and gentle nature, for five years he was thrown into a ring between two other vicious dogs and used, quite literally, as fight bait.  His tenderness was exploited and from puppyhood; his mouth taped shut and he utilized as "training" to make other dogs more brutal.  It's a miracle Bruce Wayne made it to his fifth birthday since the life expectancy of most bait dogs rarely exceeds two years.  I don't know all the details of Bruce's incredible story of survival, but I can easily assume it wasn't much different than most bait dogs, like Noah: http://luckydogrescueblog.blogspot.com/2011/04/noah-bait-dog.html?m=1

Once we made it outside, he was confused, anxious and stayed very low to the ground for our entire walk; scared and afraid of any and everything.  The long walk became a little too much for him to handle so we stopped at a bench and I sat in the grass beside him, determined to spend as much time loving on him as I could.  While petting him I felt the scars across his back and face, felt the scabs that covered his entire body and saw the tears in his ears-- his huge, hilariously out of place ears that rendered him his name-- ears that were undoubtedly an unlucky large target for attacks all of his life.  As the petting continued, he started to inch just a little closer to me, relaxing into my hands and arms.  I told Kiarash as we left that day, "Oh, this is really bad.  This is why I was afraid to volunteer in the first place.  I think I fell in love today.  We have to do something for Bruce."  I continued to talk about Bruce Wayne incessantly all weekend and look at his picture on my iPhone with what could be dubbed compulsion.

Several weeks later, I saw Bruce again and the difference was incredible.  He met me at the gate with his tongue out, ears perked up and with eyes still timid, yet bright.  It still takes a lot of patience to get him out of the stall, as he will probably always cower at the sight of metal (on the collar and leash tip), but this time our walk was full of wagging tails and happy sprints.  He no longer walks close to the ground, but upright and tall.  His burgeoning confidence left me happily surprised to find him a much bigger dog than I had initially thought!  About half way through our time together, he stopped mid-walk and looked back at me, his eyes direct as always, and I swear he kinda smiled.  As I came closer to bend down and give him the biggest hug I could without scaring him, my eyes once again filled with tears.  I was so proud of his progress and amazed by his resilience.



(He loved it. I think.)

 Bruce Wayne still has a very long way to go, but if he can make this dramatic of change in only a month, I have exceedingly high hopes for his progress.

We decided to foster him a few days ago.  As soon as finals are over and we have the proper time to devote to him, I'm bringing this handsome boy home in hopes to render him more adoptable and acclimate him to domestic living, a luxury he has never experienced.




Bruce Wayne may never fully recover.  He may never have the "normal" life a dog.  He may never learn how to play and he may always be skittish and timid-- but I'll be damned if I don't at least try to show him how to wrestle with a toy, run around a yard and enjoy days of pampered stability.  For all his pain, he will at least have me-- for as long as I can, until some lucky person decides to adopt him-- to kiss his face, pet his ridged back, tell him how awesome he is, and smooth down his torn ears.

Brucey, baby, I've already got a collar picked out for you, and it's Tiffany blue.




Several months later....


Bruce Wayne, a dog that for years was thrown daily over a six foot fence and into a pack of violent dogs as aggression bait, is currently sitting on two different blankets, surrounded by about eight pillows and is far more of a prince than pauper.  


If Bruce Rosa Wayne (The middle name affectionately dubbed by my godson, Shai, who told me, "Brucey needs a middle name.  I think it should be Rosa. That sounds beautiful."  Obviously, I agreed.) 



can go from this:


to this:
in only four months, hopes for his progress are limitless.  Never doubt the incredible resilience of abused animals and their capacity for healing and rehabilitation.  

Since joining our family, Bruce Wayne has developed a passion for chewing sticks, yawning, making friends with each and every dog he encounters, eating loudly, hogging the bed, being hand fed hotdogs, staring at you until you submit to the power of his almighty, melting gaze and snuggling-- oh god, snuggling-- he lives for it.






 Yes, he still has bad days, the smallest thing can cause him to shutdown and become heartbreakingly timid, he still has nightmares that cause him to whimper and shake in his sleep, but this time, when he wakes up, the nightmare that used to be his reality fades away as he realizes his hell is over and he is finally home.  And if you could see the way he looks at me, exhales a deep sigh and then goes back into a peaceful sleep, you would understand how deeply fulfilling being a part of his progress is.  To say I am proud of him isn't word enough. 

Being privileged enough to be a part of a soul's life that has known nothing of human kindness, only pain and fear, nothing of love, only abuse and torture-- and to have that soul want your affection, to trust you enough to feel safe. I can't even describe how grateful that feeling is. 


Until I met Bruce Wayne I'd never experienced love at first sight-- and let me tell you, it's all it's cracked up to be.

“The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only.” -Victor Hugo



His death was honestly one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced, short of a family member passing. I love you forever, Bruce.